The 21st century

May 13th, 2010

Where I work I am surrounded by dinosaurs. There is the one who sneezes at the slightest change of weather. The one who eats spicy chips and falls ill; gets well and eats spicy chips again. The one who wears glasses. The one who consumes nothing but samosas and coffee. The one who’s balding. The one who has headaches. The one who has backaches. The one whose cabin is arctic and thundering with overactive AC. The one whose cabin is steamy like Kerala in summer. The one who won’t touch the office tea but swears by the nearby thelawala’s chai. The one who gargles loudly in the loo. The one whose cubicle is piled high with paper. The one who enjoys office meetings.

What an imperfect lot. I feel positively run down in such pre-modern company. Oh how I long for the 21st century, when things will be so much nicer.

In the 21st century, if there are any offices left at all, they will be full of charming, polite, decorous, stress-free and hardworking people who may work as much as four hours a day — four times a week!

In the 21st century, all my fellow workers will be too tough to succumb to germs and viruses, because not only will we eat better, exercise more and use our cars less, our doctors will know how to defeat most pathogens with ease.

In the 21st century, if someone sneezes we will look at them with interest, because it will be unusual and amusing.

In the 21st century, our vision won’t depend on 16th-century technology like glass lenses. We will be able to grow and replace our own natural lenses, should the need arise.

In the 21st century, we will not have smelly samosas and gritty coffee. Both will be banned, and people will have cucumbers and lemon juice instead.

In the 21st century, we will never go bald. Our hair follicles will not be allowed to rest.

In the 21st century, we will have excellent posture and 20/20 eyesight, so we will never have headaches and backaches.

In the 21st century, computers will direct airflow so that nobody is either too cold or too hot. Besides, we won’t have individual cabins, just airy pods that we can move around with.

In the 21st century, the only stimulant we will be allowed is oxygen. It may come in various flavours: Sweet Meadow, Bracing Sea, Sharp Mountain, Warm Field, Fresh Bread.

In the 21st century, we will not have to go to the loo more than twice a day. And in an emergency the loo equipment will come discreetly to us, disguised as a potted plant.

In the 21st century, paper will be permanent, so you will only ever need one large sheet. The same sheet will also do duty as a napkin, drape, extra shirt, hat…

In the 21st century, office meetings will actually be fun, because they will be so infrequent that people will actually be pleased to see each other. And because the work day will be only four hours long, meetings will be short.

I sure hope the 21st century arrives soon.

del.icio.us:The 21st century digg:The 21st century newsvine:The 21st century reddit:The 21st century Y!:The 21st century