Television channels and newspaper reports claim that Madhu Koda (former chief minister of Jharkhand) has embezzled Rs 4,000 crore. Recent reports point out that transactions worth Rs 650 crore, a small portion of the money, took place in the Union Bank of India.

I am always bewildered by these numbers. How does one carry this amount to a bank or give it to someone? Even if they are all Rs 1,000 notes, that means 65,000 bundles – one would need at least a van or a tempo (small-sized truck) to carry it. Sure, it could have been done in tranches, but still.

So where did this cash come from? Better still, do people really keep Rs 1,000 crore in their houses or say in ‘godams’ (in hindi movies, especially in villages the zamindar has godams where he hoards all the food grains)?

And when needed he hires a tempo, loads all this cash, gives it to a politician or crook, who in turn, carries it to a bank (in the same or another tempo) and deposits it.

How long does it take the bank teller or the note counting machine to count it? To count even Rs 50-60 crores, it should take at least a few hours, as a single bundle is only Rs 1 lakh.

In smaller cities, branches may have to be closed because of the size of transaction.

Forgive my lack of experience. Being a middle-class person, the only time I have seen suitcases of cash is in the movies.

But it would be rather interesting to know how people hoard cash, carry it around, protect it from rodents (besides the law, of course) – what if one bundle is eaten by a rat (Imagine this sentence: Money hoarder: “chuha mere godam mein ek crore kha gaya or chuhon ne note kutar diye”)

And what happens to this money, once it has been captured. Ok, some part of it would go as awards to policemen or CBI officials. What happens to the rest? – Is black money a state subject or centre?

Questions, questions, questions… And I have no answers.

While growing up, the word ‘sir’ meant respect for elders, mostly teachers. Of course, it did not mean that we did not make fun of them in their absence… well, sometimes in their presence as well

But coming from a smaller town (Patna) and a family of school and college teachers, I almost grew up with the words ‘sir’ and ‘madam’. Student would come to our house every evening to, either study or learn music.

In fact, some people even called us ‘Ghosh madam ka beta’ or ‘Biplab sir ka bhanja’ (nephew).

But nowadays, the usage of the S word irks me quite often. And it is mainly due to telecallers from mobile, credit card, bank and ‘god-knows-what-else’ companies. Some of these callers have almost perfected the art of calling you ‘Sir’, even if they mean ‘Jerk’.

For instance, I want to settle a credit card bill for months now. So every time someone calls from this bank, I request them to send me a bill (which incidentally has not been send to me for over a year). Instead, they keep on tell me to pay a small amount (referred as ‘bucket amount’) and promise me to settle the bill next month.

The conversation goes something like this.

Me: “Kindly send me a complete bill. I am tired of paying these small interest amounts.”

He/she/… (from the call centre): “Definitely sir, but kindly pay Rs … and I promise that next month we will call you and settle this.

Me: “But you have been saying this for the last one year.”

He/she/… (from the call centre): “Sir, this time we will definitely do it.”

Me: “Sorry, I refuse to pay this small ‘bucket amounts’ every month.”

He/she/… (from the call centre): “Sir, your decision. But the interest will keep on mounting. Next month someone else will be on this case and I won’t be able to help you.

Technically speaking, while the call centre person is ‘Sir-ing’ me all this time, he/she/… is almost threatening me.

Some others use this word just to sell a product. Like, “Sir, we have this great offer or product.” And it is rather frustrating when the callers do not realise that a person may know more about some insurance or mutual fund product.

Typically, they try to sell a unit-linked insurance plan as a mutual fund. And conversations are like this… “No sir, you are not getting it. This is not an insurance plan, but a mutual fund.” – Yeah, and I am Salman Khan,

But the best ones are these. Recently, I got a missed call from a cell phone number. On returning the call, the person said, “Sir, I am from ****phone. We are offering you a free number.”

Me: “I never applied.” He/she/… (from the call centre): “Sir, it was a lucky draw.”

Me: “I don’t want it.” He/she/… (from the call centre): “Sir, it comes with a free gift.”

Me: “No, I don’t want it.” He/she/… (from the call centre): “Sir, our call charges are lowest, we will give you X plan. You will save Y money every month.

Me: “Ok, I will take it. He/she/… (from the call centre): Sir, what’s your name? …

While the sharp upward movement in the stock markets would indicate that the worst is over, the numbers are not too convincing.
Analysts are clear in their view that better corporate numbers worldwide are more a function of reduced costs, rather than better performance.
As far as India goes, already drought has hit the country pretty badly. Consequently, agricultural production and gross domestic product will be hit. This means higher food prices, higher inflation, and ultimately, higher interest rates.
Worse still, a bad season means reduced purchasing power of rural India. Though the Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee has expanded the scope of NREGA, it will at best ensure that the poor do not die because of lack of food.
So the lack of demand will continue to hit companies, which are dependent on rural India, to generate revenues.
In other words, salaries are not going to improve in a hurry cramping the working middle or upper middle class’s ability to make big buying decisions.
While builders are aggressively building and touting ‘affordable’ homes, the definition of affordability has changed – a flat costing Rs 25-40 lakh flat may sound affordable to many, especially after the heady days of Rs 1 crore flats even at the suburbs (well, it’s still like that in many places).
But going by a simple thumb rule, here are some interesting numbers. To get a loan of say Rs 30 lakh for 20 years, a person needs to have take-home salary of around Rs 60,000 – 80,000 per month – a gross salary of Rs 7-10 lakh.
I wonder how many people would be willing to risk this unless the deal is really good.
Also, while the job market is improving, it’s still not a free-for-all (no hiring to just have the numbers). Importantly, salary hikes are much more conservative, if at all. Buying a car or a second car will also be a tough decision.
Signals from the world economy are not great either. The US, in spite of some decent numbers, does not seem to be out of the woods. And China’s growth, many feel, is a bubble.
Not quite a bright picture. Of course, markets might turn around much before that. But it will be more liquidity driven and less due to economic fundamentals.

To me, it will be a while (perhaps more than a while) before things really turnaround. Till then, well, life goes on.

Traffic snarls are a common feature in Mumbai. Hardly a day goes, when one is not stuck because roads are being dug somewhere, there’s some morcha and if nothing else, some construction work.

I travel by road on the Western line (for non-Mumbaites, the Western line is from Churchgate to Virar, maybe even further now). And there are stations like Dadar, Bandra, Andheri, Borivali that many Hindi movies have made quite famous.

Of course, the moment I say ‘I travel by road’, friends pounce on me to with ‘trains are much more simpler’ or ‘you waste so much money everyday’. Well, after taking their concerns into consideration, let’s say I don’t feel like travelling on Mumbai locals any more.

So, road it is for me. Yes, it costs me a bomb. And on bad traffic days, it leaves a huge hole in my wallet.

But what surprises me is the complete lackadaisical approach that the ‘BMC/MMRDA/whoever else is responsible’ has towards the city.

In 2005, when ‘Torrential Tuesday’ occurred, lakhs of people were completely stuck – hey even Aamir Khan was stranded. Four years since then, things have marginally changed.

Yes, a number of bridges have been built on the Western Express Highway. But roads still suck. Entry and exit to the Andheri bridge are always full of potholes. And every year and several times during the rainy season, BMC workers keep on filling it up (why can’t there be a permanent solution???).

The best part, though, is the Malad bridge. It is being built for god-knows-how-many-years, and still everyday on the way back, commuters spent at least 30-40 minutes on this stretch.

My sources (taxi drivers and autowalas) claim that there was some litigation initially. But if my memory serves me right, this bridge is being built for several years – in fact, longer than most of the other ones in the same route. Yet, I keep hearing that it will be completed this month or next month.

Let’s take into consideration the total cost one incurs while crawling through that single stretch. There would at least be a total of 5,000 – 10,000 cars or autos or taxis passing through that road everyday and each would be wasting least Rs 30-50 because of the hold up. The daily loss: Anywhere between Rs 15,000 and Rs 5 lakh.

And if one multiples that number over last four-five years, the total amount would run into crores – perhaps, even more than the cost of constructing this bridge.

A point, the authorities should consider. But, it wouldn’t matter to them because it’s my pocket that takes the hit or their argument would be like my friends, ‘travel by train to save time and money’.

In Mumbai, one can see these hoardings all over the place. ‘Work in progress – Inconvenience regretted’.

To me it means… ‘Inconvenience in progress – Work regretted’

Budgets always invoke a lot of speculation. While a whole bunch of experts believe that it is a non-event, a lot of people keep themselves hooked on to the television. And then, the usual culprits come and demystify the numbers for ‘aam aadmi’.Here are some common features of every Budget.

The opposition will always say that the incumbent government could have done much more. Some like the Left even say that government is anti-poor and anti-labour. And that, even after the FM allocates some 50,000-60,000 crore for the poor.

The finance secretaries, who helped prepare the Budget, will come and defend it stoutly.

Then corporate honchos will give ratings. Seldom it’s very low.

The worst part – the poor FM has to give interview-after-interview to television channels. Given that the number of channels have increased manifold since the mid-nineties, I wonder how any FM gets the energy to speak to all of them.

In my view, the FM should call all of them in a single forum and let the editors shoot their questions. And let all channels telecast it at the same time.

For one, it will save the ‘aam aadmi’ from flicking through some 20 channels (all of them claim that they have an exclusive with the FM). More importantly, it will help the FM save some serious breathe because he has to answer the same questions to different editors.

Most importantly, since the crème de la crème editors land up to interview the FM, they will make sure that they do not repeat the same questions. The result – good quality questions from the best editors. And the best part – television watchers won’t have swollen fingers due to channel-flipping.

Coming back to the headline… Mamata didi brought the ‘Bengali flavour’ back to the Budget on Friday. After Lalu’s crude humour, it was back to ‘duronto’ and ‘Ijjot’.

Now I am waiting for Pronob da’s ‘Boget’ …

Disclaimer: Yes, I agree that Sania Mirza has done wonders for Indian Women’s Tennis.
But the comparison ends there.

I have a rather bad habit. Before going to sleep, I watch news. Sometimes, it’s a business channel (yuck to many), but mostly normal tamasha on news channels.
Yesterday, there was real tamasha. Some channels went quite gaga over Saina Nehwal’s super series win and Sania Mirza’s first round win in Wimbledon.
And while I am quite fine with the hoopla around Mirza, I am quite surprised with the lack of bandwidth for Nehwal.
In the last few years, Nehwal has consistently done well. Yet, for one tournament she was hassled for a visa (she rightly said that a cricketer wouldn’t have faced any hassles).
In fact, in this T-20 nonsense, I wonder if anyone even knew that Nehwal was quietly winning match-after-match.
In comparison, Mirza has to win one single match to be in the headlines. While I believe that Mirza has done wonders for Indian Women’s Tennis, but it’s simply as an ambassador. As a player, she has a long way to go.
At the age of 18-19, she had promise. At 22-23, she is still someone with promise. In singles, she hasn’t been in the quarter-finals of any of the Grand Slams.
But I guess tennis has more glamour than badminton. Everyone remembers Anna Kournikova…some, perhaps, even more than Chris Evert or Bille Jean King.
And someone may even argue that tennis is a more inclusive sport. Badminton is, after all, mostly an Asian sport. And the top ten have a lot of Chinese players and sometimes, a few Danish players.
For an Indian to break into the league is mighty impressive. If Nehwal’s coach is to be believed, she will be ranked sixth in the world after the recent win – in tennis, only
Ramanathan Krishnan was seeded fourth in the 1961 Wimbledon…
Sadly, talent and performance seldom gets reflected in television or newspaper coverage. Glamour, it would seem, works wonders.

Nowadays, whenever companies sack their employees, the standard line is … “their performance was not in line with our parameters.” Or, something similar. While it may be true in some cases, that argument looks more than a bit stretched in most.

Let’s do a reality check. Not so long so, industry bodies were claiming that there’s still dearth of good talent. With companies in an expansion mode, hiring was frenzied. Head hunters would call executives aggressively. And in the event that a particular executive was uninterested, pat would be the reply, “Would any of your friends be interested?”

But things have turned for the worse. With recession plaguing the entire world, the demand for talent is no longer so great. In fact, companies need to cut flab.

And all that excess capacities built up in anticipation of future growth need to be pruned. So, quite a few employees have had to take the bitter ‘layoff’ pill.

But by branding the ‘laid-off’ employees as the worst performers is grossly unfair. If the company’s plans have gone haywire, it is not the employee’s fault. Instead of admitting this, many are harping about non-performance, stricter parameters and so on…

The fact being that no management wants to admit that their ambitious plans have gone wrong and in many cases, over-aggression has caused them grief.

Take the example of real estate companies – huge land banks were built by buying at astronomical prices. And that too in the latter half of 2007-08, when it was well known that the subprime crisis is looming large over the world.

Now that many of these projects are under hold indefinitely, can the employee who is being thrown out be called a non-performer?

In fact, the word ‘non-performance’ has almost become a joke. Sample this: Recently, when the two senior employees (CEO, COO types) left an organisation, a mail was sent to the corporate communications enquiring about the reason. The response was something like this… ‘individuals whose performance were not in line with the company’s parameters quit’.

It isn’t funny…

December 10, 2008 – Former Nasdaq chairman Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme discovered by his sons and reported to federal authorities

December 11, 2008 – Bernard Madoff arrested, later put under house arrest

March 12, 2009 – Bernard Madoff confesses to $65 billion Ponzi scheme. Court verdict: Jail and faces maximum penalty of 150 years. Assets frozen and prosecutors eye wife’s assets as well.

January 7, 2009 – Satyam Chairman (now former) Ramalinga Raju self-confesses to Rs 7,800 crore scam

January 9, 2009 – Ramalinga Raju surrenders, arrested by Andhra Police (by the way, he had a date with Sebi next day)

March 14, 2009 – Newspaper reports suggest that Raju’s Madhapur den is being raided by CBI, implying there are a lot of loose ends still being tied up. And the fact that there are a number of agencies, including the Andhra police, CBI, Sebi and others investigating, things will not get any simpler.

Prima facie, two similar cases. Madoff ran a Ponzi scheme and conned investors. Raju conned investors who had bought his company’s shares by ‘cooking up a balance sheet’.

While the US government has already arrived at a number ($65 billion) for Madoff, we still have no idea about the money lost by investors in Raju’s case.  Perhaps, we will never know.

In Madoff’s instance, the case has been heard, the verdict given and is up for appeal. As for Raju, the buck is still passing around.

Newspaper reports suggest that Raju is living a raja’s life in his special cell. His brother Rama Raju is cooking food with help from (former CFO) Srinivas Vadlamani. Cooking accounts must have prepared them for this role anyway. They are even allowed limited quantities of cakes and biscuits (isn’t Raju diabetic?).

Meanwhile, his lawyers are busy telling the courts how the Rajus are suffering in jail, pestered by rats and bandicoots.
With several agencies waiting to charge him on different counts, all that Raju is likely to face is a lot of court hearings, as Sunny Deol famously said in Damini, ‘Tareeq pe tareeq’.

But the corrupt have never gone unpunished. After all, Sukh Ram was fined a princely Rs 2 lakh and sentenced to three years in jail… 13 years after the case was first reported.

Of course, it is a different matter altogether that many would not have even remembered why Sukh Ram was accused or fined. It is a tragedy that over the years, public amnesia has allowed many an issue to die a quiet death.

Raju too, will get his just desserts we hope… never mind if the dessert melts by then.

I met him once in mid-1998. Actually, I tagged along with my bureau chief B Krishnakumar (The Week).

In 1998, the stock market had again started misbehaving. In the first few months, it had shot up, only to crash within days. And some stocks, especially the ones whose promoters were advised by the big bull were doing exceptionally well.

We wanted to explore this line of investigation. On reaching his Maker Chamber office at 5 pm, we were made to wait for almost an hour – he was still being quizzed by CBI sleuths everyday.

My only memory about the office is that it had a rather glassy look about it, and there wasn’t a single sheet of paper, anywhere.

When Mehta came, he looked and sounded quite calm – a remarkable feat for someone, who was being grilled for six-eight hours a day. He told us about his new role as a corporate advisor (without naming the companies, of course) and offered us chai.

He also told us about the 24 criminal cases and over 300 civil cases against him. Later, I was told that he owed over Rs 11,000 crore to the tax authorities at one time.

After chatting with us till almost 7.30-8 pm, he offered to drop us back to our office. We travelled in his car. Was it the famous Lexus? I don’t remember, but it was quite an impressive one.

After he left, Krishna and me wondered about his source of income. (Remember, this was the time when his bank accounts had been frozen) But nothing suggested he was short of cash.

Three years later, Sebi banned Mehta from trading (yes, he had actually been given the trading licence back, even after the 1992 scam). Also, the three companies, whose shares were shored up by Mehta’s cartel, were banned from tapping the market for a few years.

Mehta died on 31 December, 2001.

A few weeks back (and 17 long years), when Mehta’s famous Worli house (Madhuli) attracted a mere Rs 20 crore, I was a bit surprised. His brother Ashwin urged the court to grant an extension as the price was too little for 8 flats.

After a week, there was another offer of slightly over Rs 32 crore – a whopping 60 per cent rise in just seven days. Despite this rise, the value was way below the going rate in the market.

For a man, who had spent most of his life shoring up share prices to unrealistic levels, the irony couldn’t be more obvious.

I am angry.

Every time something goes wrong, it’s the media’s fault. Just today, I received a mail that read something like this:

“Attached are the new Sebi guidelines for FMPs. No portfolio, no indicative yield, no exit.
This product just got killed. I hope the media is happy. Every one is going into bank deposits where the loan book is very, very transparent!!!”
(A confession first…I did a spell check on this letter.)
Whether it is coverage of the Mumbai attacks, undoing of some fund houses, or even the Satyam fracas, it’s always the media that’s to blame.

More ridiculous is that some websites or columnists have even said the media should have delved deeper into Raju’s machinations before promoting or giving him awards.
Can someone answer this simple question: With Price Waterhouse as auditors, very capable (now, very maligned) independent directors and Fortune 500 companies as clients, why should the media get the flak?
Or is it a crime to report anything negative?
When the going is good, no one complains. That is, if there are a few frauds (and there are quite a few ones) during boom time, they are overlooked. Even if there are strong reports, positive sentiments override them. The attitude then is, “arre, aise choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain“.

But when everyone is strained, jobs are under threat and making money becomes a difficult task, people are quick to pounce on the ‘messenger’.
As if the messenger caused it.
Let’s get this clear. Skeletons have to come out of the cupboard for them to be reported. And these things happen more during a downturn because there are fewer places to hide.
The Satyam saga and the World Bank’s strictures on Wipro were reported following a confession in the first instance and the second being put up on the bank’s website. And the media has not tried to hide it under the carpet.
Of course, there could be more similar violations. But we, more often than not, do not have the manpower or the expertise to explore such areas. No wonder, we have to rely on secondary and sometimes, even tertiary sources. And sometimes when investigation is done and gets reported, it is conveniently termed witch-hunting.
The media’s role is to report…often unsavoury things. But they did occur in the first place, right? That’s why we reported them.